Nine can be envisioned as a pendulum with loss of self on one end and loss of other external things on the other end. What many nines strive for is to be right in the middle of this pendulum where they have somehow attained the perfect balance between their inner world and the outer world. The goal is to form a perfect unity between the internal and the external so that no loss of any sort ever has to be experienced. Of course in actuality, this leads to a constant tension from within to keep this balance, which doesn’t usually work. When one force becomes too strong, the nine will start swinging in one direction or the other.
If the external voice feels the strongest, the nine may conform to the world and do what is desired of them, essentially losing their own voice. In order to be fine with this, the nine may dampen their emotions such as anger and sadness and pretend like everything is fine, because they are so scared of the loss they might experience if they stand up for themselves. Many nines truly believe they rarely feel anger or other emotions, because they choose to not invest themselves in scenarios that would cause them pain. However, for many nines this doesn’t last forever, and the pull from their internal voice becomes overwhelming. They feel like they don’t have a person or a will or a voice. In an effort to avoid all loss, they end up losing themselves which causes overwhelming pain. To overcompensate they might swing in the entirely opposite direction.
Many nines then become over assertive of their will over trivial matters. They might seem chronically angry and constantly get into arguments. For nines in this stage it is hard to see themselves as the nines commonly written about in the enneagram community. They know they are angry and they are showing it so that the world will see them and pay attention to them. However, often even when the nine is visibly angry, there is still avoidance of self. Often they are chronically angry, because they are not asserting themselves where there is something they are afraid to lose. They are shouting out their anger over scenarios that they are not actually invested in. This may even seem courageous to others. The nine might assert themselves at work, but if they’re terrified to assert themselves to their family, this will likely still be avoided. They might stand up for someone else against bullies and then refuse to stand up for themselves. Some nines tend to stay at one end more than the other, and other nines swing more continuously through stages. The key is that the pendulum is a continuum. They can be at any point, but there is still a fixation around avoidance of loss.
*note- this description is still being worked on and the nuances ironed out.